Sunday, December 30, 2007

Soup #1

Dear Henry Albert

Soup is important. Soup is our ancestor. The primeval world was soup.

We were once amorphous globs. Then we evolved into one celled things, into worms, into fishies (Pisces), into Froggies, called Amphibians (not amphetamines), into monkeys (not Marsupials) and finally into Man.




And all of this took place in a Primeval Soup (called an Ocean or Swamp or Sea). Our DNA, bones, brains and other stuff evolved from soup.

*** This is not accepted by Evangelicals, Christian Fundamentalists, assorted religions, the Weird Science Division of the U.S. Government, many Republicans and Democrats and others (especially Presidential Candidates in an Election Year).


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Soup is made by combining ingredients, such as
meat, vegetables or legumes in stock or hot water. To make soup, you need a container or pot. The pot was invented by Murray Pot. Early pots probably came in the form of pouches made of clay or animal skin about 9,000 years ago.
One of the first types of soups can be dated to about 6000 B.C., earlier than other records, with the main ingredient being
hippopotamus.[1] (This may not be true. See important notes below!) (End of Wikipedia stuff)

Soup can be good, healthy, nutritious, and yummy and make you a better and more civilized person. Soup makes you more civilized because you can’t just shove it in your mouth like other foods (such as a twinkie). Soup requires a container and utensils. Soup cannot be carried in a sack or shoved in a pocket.

One “takes” soup. One does not “drink” soup like water or Diet Coke. One does not “sip” soup like scotch on the rocks or a vodka martini. One does not eat soup like a banana or enchilada or pastrami on rye. Try sucking a green pea or noodle up a straw. Slurping soup is not acceptable! There are some primitive people who slurp soup, but we try to sit someplace else. One “spoons” soup with an implement called a spoon.

Many civilizations and religions made sacrifices or offerings to their “Gods”. The sacrifices were frequently domesticated animals such as sheep or goats or even fowl. Never soup!
Soup trivia: (Supplied by Campbell Soup)
Soup is one of the most beloved foods in the world and has a long and colorful history. Here are some fun and interesting facts about it provided by the Campbell Soup Company:
Archaeological evidence suggests that the first soup dinner dates back to 6000 B.C. The main ingredient of this first- known soup? Hippopotamus bones! (Hippos again?) It's estimated that Americans consume more than 10 billion bowls of soup each year. The ladies of the French court of Louis XI subsisted mainly on soup because they believed that chewing would cause them to develop wrinkles. Tell Nancy Pelosi.


From: Barbra Williams Cosentino (Los Angeles Times Syndicate)
“It’s the time of year when most of us are consuming our weight in soup. The word comes from the Middle Ages, when sop meant a piece of bread used to mop up wet food. (Mop + Soak up=”sop”?) First served for dinner in 6000 B.C., with hippopotamus bones (Hippos again) as the main ingredient, soup was originally cooked by placing heated stones into a bowl. In the 12th century, the medicinal properties of chicken soup were recognized by Egyptian theologian and physician Moses Maimonides. (Hippopotamus is not Kosher.)

In Camden, N.J., 130 years ago, two men — a fruit merchant named Joseph Campbell and an icebox manufacturer named Abraham Anderson — formed the Joseph A. Campbell Preserve Company, which produced canned tomatoes, other stuff and soups. They squeezed a lot of the water out and made condensed soup. Americans annually consume more than 10 billion bowls of soup. An average of 100 cans of Campbell’s soup is bought every second of every day during January. Worldwide, 360,602 cans of Campbell’s soup are purchased every hour. (**See note below.) That includes duck gizzard soup in China and cream chili poblano soup in Mexico.”


** Note below: 360,600 (cans per hour) x 24 (hours per day) x 365 (days per year) = 3,154,000,000 cans of soup. If we pile all those cans of soup on top of each other, it will reach the moon and half-way back.

Important notes below from above: Many innocent gullible people believe that the original soup was made of Hippopotamus. That’s plain silly and dumb.


Q. Why do they accept, as fact, such nonsense?
A. 1-A long time ago, some people learned that if you make up lie and repeat it often enough, most people (who are not too smart) believe it.
A. 2- Idiots quote each other.
A. 3- A lot of people are gullible, stupid and smell bad.
A. 4- Over 130 years ago, Joseph Campbell wanted to increase sales of his soup. So … he made up that the original soup was made of Hippopotamus (or parts of).

So … what should we do?

Boycott duck gizzard soup! Take a nap! More to come!

Winter 2007

Dear Henry Albert,

This is your first Winter Solstice. Hooray! (What does this mean?)

The winter solstice occurs at the instant when the
Sun's position in the sky is at its greatest angular distance on the other side of the equatorial plane as the observer.




Depending on the shift of the calendar, the event of the Winter solstice occurs sometime between December 20 and 23 each year in the Northern hemisphere, and between June 20 and 23 in the Southern Hemisphere, and the winter solstice occurs during either the shortest day or the longest night of the year (not to be confused with the darkest day or nights). A more accurate usage might be the "day of the winter solstice" or the "night of/before the winter solstice".

So … What does this mean? It means that winter is starting and it is getting cold and it’s time for snow and ear muffs and mucus and soup. (More about soup later.)


(Ear muffs were invented by Murray because his ears got cold. Mucus was invented by Adams Labs. Inc. so they could sell Mucinex. Mucinex is actually Guaifenesin.)

Our ancestors, the Druids, monitored the path of the Sun at Stonehenge. Stonehenge is a fun place and the Druids were fun people. When a solstice arrived, they used to get all excited and dance around naked to celebrate. We don’t do that anymore. (Maybe.)


We also have a lot of Holidays around the start of winter. Christmas is big in America because most of the people are Christians. A lot of Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and other religious groups join in the Holiday Spirit. Even the Muslims who are not dedicated to killing all Christians, Jews, Infidels and everybody else, enjoy Christmas.

For winter it is good to play in the snow, wear ear-muffs, not have mucus, enjoy the Holidays and eat soup.

A nap is also good.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Henry's first spaghetti.

Dear Henry Albert,

December 15th 2007 was a momentous day for you. You met spaghetti.
The first time experience for a young man (or young lady like your sister) with spaghetti is very important. Many people believe spaghetti was invented in Italy or Ancient China or Poland or some other place. So what? Who cares?

Spaghetti and Oreo Cookies have special innate qualities that are imbedded in our DNA.

Most people like spaghetti, especially kids. When I was a kid growing up in Pelham Parkway the only one in our neighborhood who didn’t like spaghetti was Willie Guzman. Willie was fat, smelled bad, had pimples and nobody liked him.

Humans have an innate drive to survive. (Or else we would be dead.) Most of us who believe in Evolution had monkeys for ancestors. This is true for most Christians and Jews and lots of other people. Some Conservative Christians, Evangelists and others who don’t like Darwin believe we magically appeared in pods (like peas) or some other way. Most people don’t know what Mormons believe. People who don’t believe in Evolution voted for Bush.

Monkeys and Chimps and Early Man ate grubs, insects and worms along with vegetables, nuts and whatever couldn’t run away from them. So we like Spaghetti because it looks like worms which are why little kids like it. So it is our instinct to eat worms that makes us like spaghetti which proves that ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.

Spaghetti is not kosher for Passover especially if it is made with sausage.

Also the stuff that is like spaghetti that is made by Chinese is called, “noodles”. Japanese and Koreans also eat a lot of noodles. Koreans also eat a lot of Kimchi. Kimchi's is mostly cabbage and a lot of garlic. It can be separated into the main vegetable ingredient and the mix of seasonings used to flavor the Kimchi. While the most popular type of Kimchi is the Napa cabbage variety, countless different types exist including regional and seasonal varieties. Popular variants include
ggakdugi (hangul: 깍두기) which is a kimchi made with cubed radishes, and oisobaegi (hangul: 오이소배기) which is a cucumber kimchi stuffed with hot and spicy seasonings. Because Kimchi is made with a lot of garlic, it can make your breath stink and make you smell like a dead buffalo so you should not eat Kimchi until you get a lot older.

There are also Spaghetti Monsters and Spaghetti Gods. (click on the picture and link)

Monday, December 10, 2007

Hanukkah

Dear Henry Albert,

We celebrated your first Channuka. Chanuukkkahh celebrates the miracle of a one day supply of lamp oil that lasted 8 days (also the miracle of spelling something over 100 different ways). This is not a real big miracle as biblical miracles go. Parting the waters of the Red Sea, or resurrecting the dead or plagues and miracles like that are major miracles. Making lamp oil last 8 days is just so-so. Hanukah also celebrates the victory of the Maccabees over the evil Antiochus IV Epiphanes and a lot of other joyous happy stuff. Also menorahs are nice and children get presents. Also nobody really knows how to spell ….
חנוכה … or whatever.




And they have Dreidels and Menorahs.
Hanukkah (
Hebrew: חנוכה‎, also spelled Chanukah or Hanukah), also known as the Festival of Lights, is an eight-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabees Revolt of the 2nd Century BCE. Hanukkah is observed for eight nights, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, and may occur from late November to late December on the Gregorian calendar.


Potato Latkes is an important part of Chanukah. Luckily our family has a terrific secret recipe that comes from your Uncle Mike and Great-grandfather Max.

Ingredients: (for 4 normal people)
4 potatoes (medium-large), ½ onion, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp pepper, 1 tsp minced garlic, 2-3 tsp flour or matzo meal. (Maybe, ½ tsp teriyaki sauce), 1-2 eggs, vegetable oil.

1- Coarsely grate peeled potatoes. Important that potatoes are coarsely grated. Texture adds to taste. Grate onion. Combine in big mixing bowl.
2- In smaller bowl, blend eggs and flour. Add salt, pepper and other spices. Dump in minced garlic at end.
3- Drain excess liquids from potato and onion bowl.
4- Add and blend mixture from step 2 with potatoes and onion.
5- Boil oil in deep skillet or frying pan. Important to use vegetable oil (canola, corn, peanut, etc.) only. Olive oil is a no-no. (Latkes is not Italian food.) Pork drippings, lard, chicken fat or other animal fats is horrible and you will die.
6- Drop 3-4 inch globs of latke mix in boiling oil. Let the globs flatten out into discs. Turn to get both sides golden brown.
7- Drain the golden brown latkes on paper towels.
8- Serve with applesauce or sour cream.

Warnings: Reheat or keep latkes hot in oven, not microwave (it makes them soggy) With desert, serve Maalox, Tums and other anti-acids. Alka-seltzer is also good. And .. wait 2-3 hours before nap.


Also ....
HAPPY CHANUKAH

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Henry's First Thanksgiving

Dear Henry Albert,

You had your first Thanksgiving. It was great!You flew in an airplane (like a bird or duck) to Atlanta. Uncle Mike and Dave live in a house at 305 Connecticut Avenue, NE. Mommy and Daddy and Myrna and Lewis and Paula and Joel and Wolfie and Vegas and Blackie were there. (Wolfie, Vegas and Blackie are dogs).
Mike is a very good cook. He made a turkey, ham, 3 kinds of stuffing a lot of other good stuff. Mike also made great pies but forgot to cook the lizard. Rutaga? Mike and Henry read a very good book about meat. And Mommy cooked too.

Mike also has a cool motorcycle. Mommy held you on the motorcycle because your legs are still not long enough to reach the ground. You discovered the wonders of a washing machine and Nana Paula made Turkey sounds.
We went to the Atlanta Science Museum to see dinosaur bones (turkeys descended from reptiles). We saw a frog exhibit (people descended from amphibians) and they give you warts.

We also went to the Atlanta Aquarium. They had a lot of fish but herring and the gefilte fish were missing. You met some penguins and fish.


We ate in other restaurants like the Colonnade, LaFonda and an Indian and Mexican place and Mike and Dave got you a terrific new toy thing.

We also went to the Land Trust but didn’t see the Emu. The Emu may have been asleep or away for the holidays or hiding.
Thanksgiving is a dangerous time for Emus. They are afraid people will think they are Turkeys.

We all had a good time. Mike and Dave did good. You did too!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Turkey Day

Dear Henry Albert,

Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is an annual one-day holiday to give thanks for the things one has at the end of the harvest season.
Thanksgiving is also supposed to commemorate the time when the Pilgrims (The white men who invaded America) and the Native Americans (Who used to be called Indians or Red Men.) feasted together to celebrate the joys of their encounters (When they weren’t killing, raping, enslaving, scalping and being not nice to each other).

Americans celebrate Thanksgiving by killing and eating turkeys.

Turkeys are descended from the noble Dinosaurs. Turkeys became popular after the movie “Sergeant York”, staring Gary Cooper. During WW I, he made gobble sounds in the trenches. The Huns would pop up to see what's happening and he would shoot them in the eye.
Turkey is also a member of NATO.

Most of the people in Turkey (Turks) are Muslims but the men do not wear dresses and the people don’t hate Americans too much despite the efforts of George Bush, Nancy Pelosi, the CIA, the Kurds, the EU and Muktar Avogadro. Muktar’s uncle, Armando, visited Constantinople (which is now Istanbul) when he was a student and is very good with numbers.

Wild Turkey is also a very popular brand of bourbon. The Chinese, Japanese and Indians (not Native Americans, but the ones who are assaulted by monkeys) also like Jack Daniels.

Stuffing is a very important part of the Thanksgiving turkey dinner, along with sweet potato pie (with marshmallows and sometimes maraschino cherries). Vegetarians make faux turkey with tofu. Most turkeys are kosher, which may have meaning regarding the beliefs of the Native Americans. (Are buffalo kosher?)

The Park Police are put on special alert in Flushing Meadow Park during November because of duck assaults and other inscrutable activities of the nearby Chinese restaurants during Thanksgiving time. Bukharian restaurants don’t do that.

Turkeys that don’t get eaten, live about ten years and have wattles. Benjamin Franklin wanted to make the Turkey America’s national bird and if you click on this link, (
http://www.kidzone.ws/animals/turkeypuzzle.htm) you will get a Turkey puzzle. Nobody is quite sure what a wattle does and turkeys don’t like Thanksgiving.

Each year Americans kill between 300 to 500 million Turkeys.

Thanksgiving is a holiday when Americans should give thanks that they are not turkeys