Henry the Hexapus and more March

Dear Henry Albert,

Henry the Octopus/Hexapus): English Marine Experts discovered an octopus with six legs. *Octopodes (*Octopodes is the plural of octopus.) usually have eight legs which are not really legs. And they aren’t arms either. They are tentacles. And you have to be careful of how you spell and pronounce tentacles because people can think you are talking about something else which can be very confusing.

Some people think the plural of octopus is octopi or octopussys. The “oct” means 8. So octopus is OK if you have eight things. But, Henry got six and ‘Hex” means six so Henry is a Hexapus.
So they named the octopus with six tentacles a “hexapus”. They named him 'Henry' because it alliterated well with 'hexapus.' The supervisor who named him Henry is named Carey Duckhouse.

Duckhouse, Schmuckhouse, so what? What is important is that you got a new cousin. His name is Levi and Uncle Mike and Dave are the Daddies. More to come ....

The octopus (Greek Οκτάπους, 'eight-legs', with plural forms: octopuses, octopi, or octopodes, see below) is a cephalopod of the order Octopoda.

'Henry' was discovered in a local zoo along with seven other Octopodes. No one noticed his missing legs until he attached himself to the inside of his glass tank.

Some people thought he was named Henry after King Henry the 8th who had eight wives but only two legs. Until Henry, the most famous six-legged octopus was one that appeared in a 1955 B-movie, “It Came From Beneath The Sea.” In order to save money, the producers made their octopus (hexapus) with only six tentacles. Octopuses are renowned for having three hearts, blue blood and the ability to alter their skin complexion in the blink of an eye.

Other birthdays in March:
March 10, 1957: Osama Bin Laden. Terrorist created by Carter & Reagan
March 31, 1596: René Descartes, philosopher, mathematician
March 31, 1732: Franz Joseph Haydn, composer
March 31, 1811: German chemist R.W.E. von Bunsen, invented the Bunsen Burner March 31, 1927: Cesar Chavez, labor leader Duckhouse? What kind of name is Duckhouse? I went to Yeshiva with a kid named Mousehouse. Mousehouse was a translation of something. Maybe Duckhouse is a translation something also.

And Grandpa Joel did an important scientific experiment in March. I dropped a cell phone in the toilet to see if it would work or float. It didn’t work or float. Drying it with a towel or slamming it against the wall didn’t make it work either. My friend Don suggested putting it in the microwave oven but Ralph said it would melt and it would be better to put it in the toaster oven on “light” for 2 minutes. It worked!

And what does this prove? One thing is we have Daylight Savings Time. That is when we move the clocks one hour ahead to confuse the chickens or roosters and certainly people.
Eliot Spitzer quit as Governor of New York because of a peccadillo. (Peccadillo (plural either peccadillos or peccadilloes), from the Latin word for sin, is commonly used for a petty misdeed and, by extension, for an antic.) Anyway, he got caught. He was known as #9 when he was peccadilloing. So they are selling sweat shirts which will help the economy.Peccadillos, armadillos and avocados are all different things.

Hello March

Dear Henry Albert,

February is gone. The Stock Market dropped over 300 points on February 29, 2008 (Leap Year Day or Extra Day). It’s a good thing it only comes once every four years.

We hope March will be better. March has the birthdays of famous and important people. Albert Einstein was born on March 14th and Dr. Seuss was born on March 2nd.

And do you know who was born on March 11th? (Ask your Mommy and Daddy)

Scientists said there is a big increase in the amount of Jelly Fish. When your Mommy and Uncle Mike were little kids, I told them about Jelly Fish, but they used to giggle and think I was joking. They also thought I was kidding about Oatmeal Fish and String Bean Fish and Peanut Butter Fish. Giggling is good.

You are learning to talk and make sounds. You say “up” and “la-la-la”. Soon you will learn “Mama” and “Dada” and “zugepes” and a lot of other words. Sounds are important too. Especially if you are a bus or a fire-engine. A bus goes “HONK! HONK!” And fire-engines have sirens that make a lot of noise.

Animal sounds are important. Did you know that a lot of people don’t speak English and a lot of creatures are not people? There are more Chickens and Bugs and Spanish and Chinese speaking people in the world than Americans.

What if everyone in America went around babbling in Chinese and Spanish and Chicken and Bug? John Wayne believed that all Americans should speak English.
March 1st is National Pig Day and Peanut Lovers Day The 5th is Multiple Personality Day and the 6th is both Dentist's Day and National Frozen Food Day .
The FDA (Food and Drug Administration) warned that you should not eat alfalfa sprouts until further notice because of suspected infection.
No alfalfa sprouts for Henry!

And the answer is ….. Lawrence Welk.

And maybe some other person who is giggling and eating their hat.

Goodbye February

Dear Henry Albert,

More February stuff. On February 15th, 1941, Duke Ellington (He wasn’t a real Duke.) and his orchestra recorded “Take the A Train”.

The last week in February is Eating Disorders Awareness Week (http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/) and Pancake Week.

National Pancake Day is Shrove Tuesday, the day before Lent.
Shrove Tuesday gets its name from the ritual of shriving, when the faithful confessed their sins to the local priest and received forgiveness before the Lenten season began. Most shrivers prefer Aunt Jemima’s Pancakes.

As far back as 1000 AD, "to shrive" meant something about confessions. (Trivia note: the term survives today in the expression "short shrift" or giving little attention to anyone's explanations or excuses).
To shrive is different from to shrivel. Shriveling and shriving are important.
February may be Black History (or African American or Americans of African Descent) Month. Actually, Negro History Week was founded by Carter Woodson in 1926.

February is also Pet Oral Care Month, Potato Lovers Month, Sweet Potato Month, Cat Health Month, Wild Bird Feeding Month, and Grapefruit Month.

The average price of a dozen large eggs in supermarkets in Manhattan was over $2.40. That is double the price of 2006. Chickens are probably getting rich. It is probably a good way to make money. Maybe when you go to school you can study to be a chicken.

That’s silly! You can’t become a chicken. (Unless you believe in Reincarnation.)

A lot of people believe in Reincarnation. They believe that when you go kaput, you can come back as another person of animal or thing.

According to Hinduism, the soul (atman) is immortal, while the body is subject to birth and death. The idea that the soul (of any living being - including animals, humans and plants) reincarnates is intricately linked to karma.

Belief in reincarnation is an ancient phenomenon. This doctrine is a central tenet within the majority of Indian religious traditions, such as Hinduism (including Yoga, Vaishnavism, and Shaivism), Jainism, and Sikhism.

When I was a little kid in Pelham Parkway, most of the kids were Jewish but some of the kids believed in reincarnation. “Vulch”, whose real name was Walter Farkas, believed he was a bear in a former life. Jay Boral (who was real weird) believed he was a doorknob.

February is also the birthdays of Bess Truman, Jimmy Hoffa, Jules Verne, William Tecumseh Sherman, Ida Lupino and Adlai E. Stevenson.

Adlai E. Stevenson was a candidate for President in the old days when it was shameful to be a lying sleazebag and he had a hole in his shoe.

Murders, elections, USDA and UP update for FEB

Dear Henry Albert,

The NYPD got the guy who killed the Psychotherapist by whacking her on the head with a meat cleaver. The whacker was an ex-patient. The whackee didn’t comment.

The NYPD concluded that the man found dead with a corkscrew in his head in Brooklyn was murdered. Accidental death and suicide was definitely ruled out.

A strangled girl was found stuffed in a furnace in the basement of a building on Walton Avenue in The Bronx. The strangler and stranglee were Father and Daughter. The strangler explained she used his computer and he became miffed. (: to put into an ill humor) and strangled her. Miffing can be dangerous.

The wife of the Dentist who was murdered in a Playground in Forest Hills was arrested. She had paid a relative (her's) to shoot him.

Kenya held elections. Various tribes and political leaders expressed their disappointment and displeasure in the results by using machetes to hack hundreds of people to death. (Disappointment + displeasure = miffed)

On February 19th, Barbara Sheehan shot her husband, Raymond, 3 times in their bathroom. Raymond was a NYC retired Police Sergeant and they live in Howard Beach. On the same day I stopped at the famous sausage and peppers truck on Cross Bay Boulevard in Howard Beach. It is near the Police Station, Fire House, Lenny’s Clam Bar several Mafia hangouts and a lot of famous murders. Homicide is suspected. The wife was probably miffed.

Beef recalled from Calif. slaughterhouseBradenton Herald - Feb 17, 2008By GREG RISLING AP The US Department of Agriculture (USDA) on Sunday recalled 143 million pounds of beef. When they say, “beef recalled..”, does mean somebody says, “come back beef or come back cow”?
There are 97,000,000 cattle in the USA. That works out to be over 1½ pounds per cow. Tofu is better.

On February 18th, we had a Lunar Eclipse. That is when the Earth comes between the Sun and the Moon. The shadow of Earth blocks the sunlight and part or all of the Moon is dark. Lunar eclipses are fun, especially if you are a vampire bat or a werewolf.

Kosovo separated from Serbia. Serbia is Christian and Kosovo is Muslim. They hate each other. They also hate America and Jews. Kosovo celebrated by threatening to kill Serbs and Jews. Serbs celebrated by burning the American Embassy. President Bush was in Africa with porky and said something. Sen. McCain said it was not nice and he didn’t have sex with that lady. Hillary looked askance. Obama listens to Brzezinski.

Most Februarys have 28 days, but every four years, they add an extra day. Some people call the extra day, “Extra Day”. This year we have February 29th.

Your Mommy put a movie of you reading on the Internet. You are officially able to say, “Up”. Up is good. “Down” is also good. If we didn’t have down, we probably wouldn’t have up. Maybe? Or maybe not!

If we add a P to UP, we get Pup. You would probably like a pup, but instead you are going to get a baby sister.

And if you take away the U from PUP and add two Os, you get POOP. And one day Mommy and Daddy are going to try to “potty train” you. Using a “kitty litter” is a lot easier.

It snowed yesterday and it is cold today so it is good to have soup and take a nap.

Presidents + Corkscrews + Words

Dear Henry Albert

Your Daddy told me you said your first polysyllabic word, “apple”. Wow! It is good to learn important words like food names. Apple has 2 syllables, banana has 3, knish and prune have 1 each and peanut butter and jelly has 7.

People in North Carolina eat French fried Twinkies. Also, you should never eat stuff like tongue or brains or snails.

You will also learn to say words like Mama and Dada and the name of things like a chair or a goat or a baby sister. Hmmm! It is also fun to make up your own words like glubble. Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14. The holiday is named after two early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

February 14th is also the day the police found a dead man in Brooklyn with a corkscrew sticking out of his head. The police spokesperson said they suspect foul play, but did not yet rule out accidental death or suicide. My friend Kenny once had a fish hook stuck in his hand, Don had a dart stuck in his forehead and Ron once got caught in his zipper. Stuff happens. Corkscrews are nasty.

Also on February 14th: NEW YORK -- Police hunted Wednesday for a man who entered a psychologist's office with a bag of knives and a meat cleaver and hacked her to death. Kathryn Faughey's (the victim) office was in shambles and was splattered with blood and gore. Messy, messy!

The National Meat Cleaver and Corkscrew Association said, “Meat Cleavers and Corkscrews don’t kill people. Bad persons do.”

The leadership of the Republican Conservative Caucus and others from the National Republican Committee called on John McCain to promise to support a citizen’s right to bear meat cleavers and corkscrews.

I am sorry I took you and Mommy and Nana Paula to that Barbeque Resturaunt.

February 18th is President’s Day. We celebrate the birthdays of some dead Presidents by not going to work and buying things we don’t need. Presidents seem a lot better when they are dead. America would be better off if they got dead as soon as the got elected. And some of their wives were not beauties. George Washington supposedly had wooden teeth. (I don’t know about that. ???)

We still have 4 people who are candidates to be nominated to be President. They are doing the usual campaign things like making promises they can’t keep, telling lies and yelling. Why do they yell? They also try to besmirch the other candidates. Besmirch is a very good word.

Since the prefix "be-" in "besmirch" means "to make or cause to be," when you besmirch something, you cause it to have a smirch. What's a smirch? A smirch is a stain, and "to smirch" is to stain or make dirty. By extension, "to smirch" came to mean "to bring discredit or disgrace on." "Smirch" and "besmirch," then, mean essentially the same thing. We have William Shakespeare to thank for the variation in form. Shakespeare's 1599 use of the term in Henry V is the first known appearance of "besmirch" in English.

There are a lot of very good holidays and birthdays and other stuff we celebrate in February, Go to .. http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/february.htm
February 28th is Tooth Fairy Day.

Millard Fillmore was the first President to have a bathtub with running water.

February is Black History Month. Go smirch!

February + Groundhogs + Super Stuff + Fat Tuesday

Dear Enrico (Henry) Albert,

Happy February! February 2nd is Groundhog Day (http://www.groundhog.org). According to the legend, if a groundhog, also known as a woodchuck or marmot pops up from the ground and sees its shadow; spring will come in 6 weeks. If not, winter will last 1 ½ months.


Farmers, nature lovers and regular people celebrate by getting drunk and eating a lot.

The first Tuesday in February is Super Tuesday. Super Tuesday is when the politicians and nominees pop up and have debates and make speeches and tell lies and try to get votes. They also ask people for money and tell more lies. A lot of people celebrate by getting drunk and eating a lot.
Groundhogs crawl around in the ground. They damage things and don’t take baths and are dirty, sneaky and smelly. Some people may confuse them with politicians but groundhogs don’t tell lies and are not slimy. Also, groundhogs don’t get drunk.
Ted Kennedy endorsed Obama. Ted Kennedy is a fat raucous drunk, corrupt; sleaze-bag Senator and killed Mary Jo Kopechne. President Bush’s wife, Laura, killed somebody when she was 17 but claims she wasn’t drunk and doesn’t smoke. (???) Harriet Miers endorses Bush and thinks he is very smart. Schwarzenegger endorsed Hillary.

Schwarzenegger was the Terminator and Conan and is a Governor. Bill Clinton also endorses Hillary. Patrick Kennedy is also in Congress and also a drunk. A lot of Kennedys endorse Obama and believe Bill Clinton is despicable and gives White Trailer Trash a bad name. Some Clinton supporters believe the Kennedys are a bunch of alchoholics and drunks (wives included) who give low class Irish a bad name.

The Super bowl is on Sunday. Americans celebrate by getting drunk and eating a lot. Most Americans are disgusted by politicians but like groundhogs and football players.

February is a busy month for Pollsters. Pollsters are people who make up results that tell people what to think and who to vote for. The results they make up depend on who pays them.

Tuesday is also called Fat Tuesday. Hooray Mardi Gras! Mardi Gras (French for "Fat Tuesday") is the day before Ash Wednesday, and is also called "Shrove Tuesday" or "Pancake Day". Mardi Gras is the final day of Carnival, though the term is often used incorrectly to describe the days and weeks preceding Fat Tuesday.[1] Perhaps the cities most famous for their Mardi Gras celebrations include New Orleans, Louisiana; Venice, Italy; and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

To celebrate Mardi Gras, people dance and wear costumes, and show their boobs and have a lot of fun. For Super Tuesday and the Super Bowl they don’t do that. The only exception is Janet Jackson who showed one boob during the half-time show at a Super-bowl. It was a small boob and only showed for a few seconds so it doesn’t count.

Janet’s brother Michael wears costumes but doesn’t show his boobs. Jesse Jackson was a nominee along with his friend Al Sharpton. They are all good friends with Jimmy Carter and Jeb Bush. He wants to President also. They are also Reverends so they don’t show their boobs ut they all lie and smell bad. The Candidates and Nominees and that bunch wear regular clothes and keep their boobs covered.

There are no women playing in the Super-bowl but the players wear costumes.

Groundhogs run around naked all the time and don’t wear clothes but are very hairy.

I am going to vote for a groundhog.