Yesterday they arrested a man at LaGuardia Airport. They caught him on an airplane with a monkey under his hat. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) put the monkey in quarantine for at least thirty days.
That is wrong! The monkey didn’t anything. The monkey is innocent. He is the abductee, not the abductor. 
The TSA (Transportation Security Administration) screens, monitors and inspects all air passengers to keep us safe. They spend billions of dollars to buy very expensive equipment and create jobs for political “hacks” and other marginal parts of society. And they couldn’t spot one innocent monkey on a passengers head.
What if the man had a rhinoceros or cockroach under his hat?
Some monkeys are cute cute but they smell bad. If your Mommy and Daddy get you a monkey, the should also get Airwick.
Airwick has a new papaya and mango aroma. It freshens the air and eliminates odors. But you must be careful. Don’t spray it in your eyes, ears or other body openings. (I guess some people do that.)
Your uncle Mike works for the CDC. Ask him why those mean people had to lock up a cute innocent monkey.
FREE THE MONKEY! STOP THE SMELLS!
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