Elevators

Dear Henry Albert

We took you for a stroll in your torture wagon (stroller). When we returned, we got in the elevator to go 8H. Elevators:

An elevator is like a box or cage that goes up and down. The box or cage is like a bucket or pail. The elevator works using the principle of the pulley which was invented by M. Pulley.

The elevator uses energy (electricity) to lift the elevator cab up to the 8th floor.

Most of the electricity we use is produced by burning natural gas or oil or coal and sometimes atomic energy or garbage. Producing electricity cause pollution, yucky air and leaves waste. The people who supply the oil we use hate us. They use the money we give them to fund terrorism, bribe Congress, buy our President, supply guns and bombs to kill our soldiers and do other not nice stuff.

If we convert all elevators to use solar or wind or water or atomic or geothermal power or steam produced by burning garbage, we can save energy. This would be good. How hard would it be to put windmills or solar panels on roofs or geotherms and garbage in the basement?
We can put waterwheels in our plumbing. Each time we flush the toilet or take a bath we can make electricity.
How about animal power? We can keep mules or water buffalo or goats or something in our basements. They can also eat our garbage and we can use their dropping for fertilizer to grow vegetables on our roofs and mushrooms in our basements.

Why do we need elevators to go up anyway? The answer is because we design our building stupidly. Our apartments shouldn’t be up. They should be down!

Gravity pulls stuff down. Gravity can be our friend.

If your building (2 Horatio Street) was built going down, there would be a lot of very good things. 8H would be underground. The noise would stop. You wouldn’t hear the horns honking, crazy people screaming and sirens screeching. Being underground would also save energy. The dirt and earth would insulate the walls so you wouldn’t need heat or air conditioning. Instead of windows, you could have real big plasma TV screens with pictures of skies, oceans, volcanoes, ducks, and baseball games, explosions in Iraq, Looney Tunes or whatever you want. And it could change all the time.


Elevators are like buckets or pails at the end of a rope or cable. A man named Murray Elevator discovered that if you pull the rope, the bucket will move up. If you let rope go, the elevator will drop. If we tie two buckets to a rope (one at each end) and loop the rope over something, then when one bucket goes down, the other would be lifted up.

If 8H was eight floors below ground, it would be good. When you get in the elevator, gravity would pull your cab/pail/bucket down. At the same time, it would pull the cab/pail/bucket at the other end of the rope up.

To use the energy of gravity that pulls us down, we put rocks in the cab/pail/bucket that is pulled up. Next we take the rocks out ad put them in a pile. When we are ready to be pulled up, we put the rocks back in the cab/pail/bucket that is at the top and gravity will pull it down and make the other cab/pail/bucket go up.

It is important to not confuse a pulley with a pullet. A pullet is a young chicken.

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It is time for nap.