Turkey Day

Dear Henry Albert,

Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is an annual one-day holiday to give thanks for the things one has at the end of the harvest season.

Thanksgiving is also supposed to commemorate the time when the Pilgrims (The white men who invaded America) and the Native Americans (Who used to be called Indians or Red Men.) feasted together to celebrate the joys of their encounters (When they weren’t killing, raping, enslaving, scalping and being not nice to each other).

Americans celebrate Thanksgiving by killing and eating turkeys.

Turkeys are descended from the noble Dinosaurs. Turkeys became popular after the movie “Sergeant York”, staring Gary Cooper. During WW I, he made gobble sounds in the trenches. The Huns would pop up to see what's happening and he would shoot them in the eye.

Turkey is also a member of NATO.

Most of the people in Turkey (Turks) are Muslims but the men do not wear dresses and the people don’t hate Americans too much despite the efforts of George Bush, Nancy Pelosi, the CIA, the Kurds, the EU and Muktar Avogadro. Muktar’s uncle, Armando, visited Constantinople (which is now Istanbul) when he was a student and is very good with numbers.

Wild Turkey is also a very popular brand of bourbon. The Chinese, Japanese and Indians (not Native Americans, but the ones who are assaulted by monkeys) also like Jack Daniels.

Stuffing is a very important part of the Thanksgiving turkey dinner, along with sweet potato pie (with marshmallows and sometimes maraschino cherries). Vegetarians make faux turkey with tofu. Most turkeys are kosher, which may have meaning regarding the beliefs of the Native Americans. (Are buffalo kosher?)

The Park Police are put on special alert in Flushing Meadow Park during November because of duck assaults and other inscrutable activities of the nearby Chinese restaurants during Thanksgiving time. Bukharian restaurants don’t do that.

Turkeys that don’t get eaten, live about ten years and have wattles. Benjamin Franklin wanted to make the Turkey America’s national bird and if you click on this link, (http://www.kidzone.ws/animals/turkeypuzzle.htm) you will get a Turkey puzzle. Nobody is quite sure what a wattle does and turkeys don’t like Thanksgiving.

Each year Americans kill between 300 to 500 million Turkeys.

Thanksgiving is a holiday when Americans should give thanks that they are not turkeys

Elevators

Dear Henry Albert

We took you for a stroll in your torture wagon (stroller). When we returned, we got in the elevator to go 8H. Elevators:

An elevator is like a box or cage that goes up and down. The box or cage is like a bucket or pail. The elevator works using the principle of the pulley which was invented by M. Pulley.

The elevator uses energy (electricity) to lift the elevator cab up to the 8th floor.

Most of the electricity we use is produced by burning natural gas or oil or coal and sometimes atomic energy or garbage. Producing electricity cause pollution, yucky air and leaves waste. The people who supply the oil we use hate us. They use the money we give them to fund terrorism, bribe Congress, buy our President, supply guns and bombs to kill our soldiers and do other not nice stuff.

If we convert all elevators to use solar or wind or water or atomic or geothermal power or steam produced by burning garbage, we can save energy. This would be good. How hard would it be to put windmills or solar panels on roofs or geotherms and garbage in the basement?
We can put waterwheels in our plumbing. Each time we flush the toilet or take a bath we can make electricity.
How about animal power? We can keep mules or water buffalo or goats or something in our basements. They can also eat our garbage and we can use their dropping for fertilizer to grow vegetables on our roofs and mushrooms in our basements.

Why do we need elevators to go up anyway? The answer is because we design our building stupidly. Our apartments shouldn’t be up. They should be down!

Gravity pulls stuff down. Gravity can be our friend.

If your building (2 Horatio Street) was built going down, there would be a lot of very good things. 8H would be underground. The noise would stop. You wouldn’t hear the horns honking, crazy people screaming and sirens screeching. Being underground would also save energy. The dirt and earth would insulate the walls so you wouldn’t need heat or air conditioning. Instead of windows, you could have real big plasma TV screens with pictures of skies, oceans, volcanoes, ducks, and baseball games, explosions in Iraq, Looney Tunes or whatever you want. And it could change all the time.


Elevators are like buckets or pails at the end of a rope or cable. A man named Murray Elevator discovered that if you pull the rope, the bucket will move up. If you let rope go, the elevator will drop. If we tie two buckets to a rope (one at each end) and loop the rope over something, then when one bucket goes down, the other would be lifted up.

If 8H was eight floors below ground, it would be good. When you get in the elevator, gravity would pull your cab/pail/bucket down. At the same time, it would pull the cab/pail/bucket at the other end of the rope up.

To use the energy of gravity that pulls us down, we put rocks in the cab/pail/bucket that is pulled up. Next we take the rocks out ad put them in a pile. When we are ready to be pulled up, we put the rocks back in the cab/pail/bucket that is at the top and gravity will pull it down and make the other cab/pail/bucket go up.

It is important to not confuse a pulley with a pullet. A pullet is a young chicken.

.

It is time for nap.