Halloween 2007

Dear Henry Albert,

Halloween is a very important time for little boys and girls. It also an important time for big people, goblins, witches, vampire bats, ghosts, werewolves and Rumanians.

Halloween is usually a fun time. Children dress up in costumes and go to people’s doors and say, “Trick or treat. Smell my feet. Give me something good to eat.”
A lot of people put Halloween decorations on their homes. (Nana Paula does that.) Most decorations are made in China and are not good to eat.

Count Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, Werewolves and other very scary people came from Transylvania which is in Rumania.

Mike and David have a house which is in Transylvania County which is in North Carolina and they have fish.

And there are parades in Japan and New York and all over.

A lot of people go to Halloween parties and wear costumes. I went to a Halloween party. I wore a Duck costume and had to be careful because there are a lot of Chinese people in my neighborhood. (Joel in Duck costume.)

It should be against the law to eat ducks.

New sneakers

Dear Henry Albert,

I got new sneakers.

I bought New Balance model CM478G0 size 12 (in U.S.). Size 12 in U.S. is 11 ½ U.K., 46.5 E.U. and 30 CM. (I think CM means China). How come there are so many different numbers for the same foot size? Why don’t China and the U.K., and the E.U., and the U.S. use the same way to measure a foot?

The sneakers were made in China. It says that on the inside of the tongue. (Tongue??? I should explain that some shoes have tongues but it will be more fun if you ask your Mommy or Daddy to explain. ) (cat tongue little girl tongue doggie tongue)

The sneakers are “cool”. The last time I bought sneakers was 17 years ago. I know because I kept the shoe box (which should be called a sneaker box.) to store stuff and it had the receipt in it. (Old smelly sneakers)It is good that shoes come in different sizes because feet do too. And … it is a fact that most people’s foots are different sizes. Not a lot, just a little. It is better to have one foot that is smaller than the other. To have one foot that is bigger than the other is not good because it is easier to fit a smaller foot in a bigger shoe than a bigger foot in a smaller shoe.

Shoe size can be very complicated. They measure the length and width and height and all kinds of stuff. Did you know that? Some manufacturers offer shoes of different width for the same foot length. Such shoes are then also labeled according to the width or girth of the widest part of the foot (typically measured directly behind the toes with the subject standing on both feet and wearing socks or hose).

There are a lot of measurements.
Inch: At first an inch was the width of a man's thumb. In the 14th century, King Edward II of England ruled that 1 inch equaled 3 grains of barley placed end to end lengthwise. Foot: In ancient times, the foot was 11 1/2 inches. Today it is 12 inches, the length of the average man's foot. Does that mean it grew? 12 inches = 1 foot. Ounce: Unit of weight. 16 ounces = 1 pound and 128 ounces = 1 gallon. Watt: Unit of power. The power used by a current of one ampere across a potential difference of one volt equals one watt. 4 watts = 1 huh?

Sneakers and shoes are usually sold in pairs. Usually one for the left foot and one for the right foot and usually both are the same size. What about people with different size foots and people with two left feet or people with only one foot?

Buying shoes or sneakers can be complicated. Buying cantaloupe is easier than buying shoes. If the cantaloupe is not mushy, has no dark or mottled spots and smells nice, it is OK to buy. The same applies to sneakers. (If sneakers are made in China, would they smell like egg rolls? )

My foot is 12 inches long and I wear size 12 and my new sneaks cost $39.95. Somebody who wears size 9 would pay the same amount. I pay $3.33 per inch. The other guy would pay $4.44 per inch. I got a bargain! Is that fair? People with smaller feet subsidize people with big feet. It’s like the Farm Bill and all those crooked politicians.

And if the sneakers were made in Italy, would they smell like pizza?

It is time for a nap.

Happy October & Columbus Day

Dear Henry Albert,

Welcome to your first October. Columbus Day is in October. We celebrate Columbus Day because Columbus discovered America. That’s why we call it America. (Huh?)

On Columbus Day we have parades and eat Cannoli. I know a lot about October because I went to Columbus High School. Columbus H.S. is in Pelham Parkway in The Bronx.


(Joel's graduation from Columbus HS) (Cannoli Yum! Yum!)



October is a fun month. In Latin, octo means "eight,” October was the eighth month in the ancient Roman calendar. But we use the Gregorian calendar. October is the 10th month. What does this mean? Ask Eve or Jason.

In Albanian, October is called Tetor. In Croatian, October is called Listopad . In Turkish, October is called Ekim. Don’t go to Kazakhstan, Bhukar, Bhutan, Uzbekistan or Liberia. (Your Uncle, Mike, went to Liberia on October 5th.)

( Uzbekistan Flag)October's birthstone is the opal or tourmaline. October's flower is the calendula or cosmos. Calendula can be used heal abscesses.

Maybe Americus Vespuccus discovered America. Or maybe it was Eric the Red or Murray or some other guy. We have a lot of holidays in October. There are Cultural celebrations National Hispanic Heritage Month , Polish American Heritage Month[2], German American Heritage Day (October 6) and Succoth and Ramadan and Halloween.
During Succoth, some religious Jews build a Succor, shake their Lulov and sniff their Etrog. Succoth is the Jewish Harvest Festival. It begins on the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Tishri. It is usually held in September and October.

Queen Isabella of Spain gave money to Christopher Columbus, who was an Italian Jew who tried to sail to India. Instead he and his three ships got lost and ended up in the Caribbean. He may have been trying to discover Miami Beach.

When I was 16 I dated a girl at Columbus HS. Her name was Janice LaMotta. On the first date, she told me her brother was Jake LaMotta. I stopped dating her because I was afraid he would kill me. Jake LaMotta was a wealterweight.

The Saint Patrick’s Day parade is in March. It’s more fun than the Columbus Day parade because everyone gets drunk. What do you like best, beer or Cannoli?